One Sub's Adventure in Poly, BDSM, Familyhood

Internal dialogue that can be taboo/inappropriate/disrespectful/confusing


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The difference between being told and actually seeing it..

Say you are told someone hates you, someone wishes ¬†you never existed, do you believe it off hand? Or do you just ignore it? What do you do? In this instance, this particular person doesn’t actually hate me but she has convinced herself she does. It is because of this that I’ve been overall ok with her saying she hates me. That is…until, I saw evidence of her actually “wiping” me from her everyday life. There was a situation where I had to live with this person for a period of time, not just me but my youngest too. So, upon us “moving” in, age appropriate toys were brought out and some things rearranged. The rearranging happened of this person’s own doing- it was not requested, nor was it actually required. I’ve been “out” of the house for shy of 2 months now but things that had been rearranged remained that way and some of the age appropriate toys were also still out. Just the other day I visited the house, as I am still there on a semi-often basis. I saw no age appropriate toys, things moved back and even more moved in different places. Basically, all potential “evidence” of my youngest existence- by proxy my existence- was gone, put away, who knows where. The level of deep hurt I felt is still being processed.

How can one person convince themselves that they have such hatred for one person? How can someone take that hatred out on those around them? This person has also said some pretty mean, horrible things about me and my relationships. She has disrespected me to an extent that is borderline ridiculous. Even so, how in the world can someone do such? Is she in that much internal pain, that the only way to deal with it is to act like someone doesn’t exist? We were friends, I’ve continued to make attempts at keeping some sort of friendship but she continues to believe that she hates me and now, recently, that I don’t exist.

My youngest’s birthday is coming up soon. In thinking about what to do, I expressed interest in wanting one, if not both, her daughters to attend whatever we decide to do. This person decided to project her supposed hatred onto her daughters. She didn’t even ask them if they’d be interested, and instead said no claiming how she feels about me to be the reason. I understand she thinks she feels a certain way about me, but for heaven’s sake, grow up and deal with it like an adult. At this rate, she is on the road to losing a lot more from her life than what she has gained from knowing me.

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